14
Jun

Well, that was a month….

   Posted by: Linda   in Goals, Living Room

May was one of the more whirlwind months I think I’ve ever experienced. It started with¬†JD and I going to another province to help his elderly aunt move into an assisted living facility, and ended with us having to deal with her estate and all the stuff we’d moved only a couple of weeks before. Truly a roller coaster on many levels. We’re both feeling physically and emotionally drained (JD much more than me, naturally).

Aside from the obvious of not getting anything done because we were out of the province for 3/4 of the month, there’s the added complication of inherited stuff. Not much, but still 4-5 banker boxes that have appeared in my living room.

I know it’s extraordinary circumstances, but the result has been a feeling of futility. Yes, there was actually room to put the boxes so they’re not in the main traffic path, but now that lovely freed-up space is gone. I know I need to be less fragile about it all, but it’s discouraging how quickly progress can vanish. *poof*

Oh well, off to plug away at another room for a bit.

The good news is that the number on the whiteboard has decreased from 6000 to 5669.

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14
Mar

Wow, time sure does pass, don’t it?

   Posted by: Linda   in General

Much more time has passed than I’ve realized. Sorry ’bout that. Things got a bit crazy. Okay, yeah, things are always crazy, but this was a bit beyond the norm.

I was laid off at the end of October due to funding cuts, and things have been a roller coaster since then. I’d like to get my own website business going, but the main thing I’ve learned in this process is that nothing brings out the deep-seated feelings of inadequacy like trying to be self-employed. The internal chorus of, “Who do you think you are??” can be deafening at times.

Part of the problem is, of course, that this is my second lay-off in 5 years. I worked for 25 years without a problem. Now I have a Master’s degree and I’ve spent more time unemployed¬†since graduating than I ever did before. What happened to all the bright and shiny promises of advancement and opportunity that I heard before I took the degree? From where I’m sitting, it’s more like it’s made me unemployable. The confusion caused by being told, essentially, “You’ve been a great asset to us and your work is stellar; here’s you pink slip.” really plays havoc with self-esteem, too. It leaves me wondering if everything I’ve believed is false. Can I trust my own perceptions any more? Is there any practical value in my own judgements?

On the plus side, I’ve had lots of time for cleaning. I’m slowly making progress throughout the house. Well, at least throughout the main floor. The path in the studio is wider and better defined. I’ve gained between 2-3 feet of horizontal space in the living room, and any day now I’ll have cleared enough out of the kitchen to be able to open the oven door without obstruction.

I tried a new way of tracking progress that seems to be working very well. I calculated that 100 hours of work came out to 6000 minutes, then I wrote the number 6000 on a whiteboard in the hall. Every time I do something, no matter how big or how small, I subtract the corresponding number of minutes from the total. Since the end of February I’ve got the number down to 5809. Even if I can’t see progress in the house around me, I can see progress in those little purple numbers on the wall, and that’s enough. It’s amazing how rewarding it can be to erase the old number and write up the new one.

Some days it’s the small victories that matter the most.

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6
Aug

A path!!

   Posted by: Linda   in Outside, Studio

It’s taken 5 or 6 hours of work over the course of about 4 weeks, but I’ve created a genuine path! With floor and everything! I’m so happy. And just a little bit proud.

Look, a path!!

 

Granted, it needs a bit of work still, but there’s definitely floor visible there. And here’s a picture of a teeny little poppy that appeared in my back yard recently:

20130805_161704[1]

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